


Exhale

by arcanebf



Series: It's Just an Email [11]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Love Simon Fusion, Angst, Canon Trans Character, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Datteo, Davenzi, David POV, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Simon AU, M/M, Trans Male Character, Underage Substance Use, oh my god this was an emotional roller coaster for me to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 12:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18969397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanebf/pseuds/arcanebf
Summary: “You’re right. Well, soon, just message me when you’re free.” This dumb, beautiful boy smiled brightly at David. His eyes were glittering, seemingly full of hope, but he could see that they were hiding some sadness within him and he didn’t like that. Just underneath the surface, Matteo was drowning and David seemed to be the only person who noticed.“Okay.” David nodded, feeling his cheeks burn, but he didn’t think it’d be noticable.“Cool.”“C’mon, Luigi,” Jonas said, wrapping an arm around Matteo’s shoulder as he walked away with Abdi and Carlos. David just stood as he watched the three of them walk out of the gym. His heart was beating so quickly, he swore it was going to burst in his chest. He would die right there. David knew who Luigi was finally, and Luigi was the only person that David wanted him to be.





	Exhale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LaStrega](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaStrega/gifts).



> This is it y'all, this is the last of the Love, Simon AU. I really, really hope you enjoy it.
> 
> By the way, just so y'all know: There is a playlist of all the music from the fic. Listen here.

“You’re right. Well, soon, just message me when you’re free.” This dumb, beautiful boy smiled brightly at David. His eyes were glittering, seemingly full of hope, but he could see that they were hiding some sadness within him and he didn’t like that. Just underneath the surface, Matteo was drowning and David seemed to be the only person who noticed.

“Okay.” David nodded, feeling his cheeks burn, but he didn’t think it’d be noticable.

“Cool.”

“C’mon, Luigi,” Jonas said, wrapping an arm around Matteo’s shoulder as he walked away with Abdi and Carlos. David just stood as he watched the three of them walk out of the gym. His heart was beating so quickly, he swore it was going to burst in his chest. He would die right there. David knew who Luigi was finally, and Luigi was the only person that David wanted him to be.

He didn’t even realize he had just gotten outed, he looked so blissful and happy and like he was in _love_. Matteo Florenzi was Luigi. David looked down at his hands and watched as they shaked, he wanted to know what was going on. Obviously this wasn’t a joke, Matteo had bore his heart and soul to David, without knowing it was him. David knew things about Matteo that he didn’t think his friends even knew.

As much as Matteo Florenzi could lie about how he was feeling, he was a surface level liar. He wouldn’t make up some deep traumatic backstory to trick anyone. He was smart, but he wasn’t heartless. David grabbed his gym bag, slinging it over his shoulder. How was he going to do this? There was so much he hadn’t told Matteo yet, he hadn't planned on saying anything about himself and then he met Matteo. And then he met Luigi and now all he wanted to do was be honest and happy and open. David would never admit it, but Matteo had changed him.

David walked home, listening to a playlist he had compiled of all the music he and Luigi-- _Matteo_ , had sent each other so far. There were also a few other songs that David had thrown in, songs that he had intended to send, but they felt too personal and intimate to send to someone he didn’t know.

When he got home, David ignored Laura’s attempts at conversation, he wasn’t in the mood to talk to her right now. He just wanted to hide in his room and talk to Matteo. David knew he knew too much about Luigi, he _knew_ that Luigi was Matteo, and that was unfair on his part. He had something that Matteo didn’t, he could do anything with the knowledge… And all he wanted to do was to make Matteo his.

 

 **FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

 **TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

 **DATE:** April 18 at 20:47

 **SUBJECT:** RE: Breathtaking

 

_Hey Adam,_

_I never really thought about that whole default thing before but now you’ve got me thinking about it a lot. We’re all expected to act and be and live a certain way that when we divert from the norm it’s laughed at and we’re ridiculed and hurt for it. It’s fucked up._

_I kind of wish there was something we could do to avoid that but I’m still a little too… New to everything. Nothing you’ll tell me will surprise me though, I’m not expecting anything from you, everything about you is new and interesting and I love learning new things about you. I want to know everything, anger and all._

_I hope I’m just as interesting to you._

_Warmly, Luigi_

_P.S._ [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYDO0_7TR7w_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYDO0_7TR7w)

 

 **FROM:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

 **TO:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

 **DATE:** April 18 at 21:21

 **SUBJECT:** RE: Breathtaking

 

_Hi Luigi,_

_I really wish things were different too. But at least we have each other, it makes everything easier._

_Nothing I’ll tell you will surprise you?_

_Did I ever tell you why I’m at our school? I don’t think I have. But I’m kind of new this year, not that you would have noticed me anyway. My sister lives here in Berlin, my mom decided it would be safer for me with my sister here than back home._

_Y’know after I came out it was a lot of the same thing, people would ignore me or make fun of me, they’d ask if I was ever going to be normal… They didn’t really understand what it all meant, and I get that but it hurt so much and made me so angry._

_You’re definitely more interesting than I am though, don’t sell yourself short. I’m still not over the two dads thing._

_Warmly, Adam_

_P.S._ [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p38xW-IjvOc_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p38xW-IjvOc)

 

 **FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

 **TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

 **DATE:** April 18 at 21:52

 **SUBJECT:** RE: Breathtaking

 

_Hey Adam,_

_I’m really sorry you had to move. I… I know a lot of what that’s like, though I did get to stay in Berlin and it wasn’t because of the same reasons. But y’know, it still sucks. I guess that’s why we both have two different outlooks on the whole being alone thing. Alone saved you while it just pushed me deeper into depression._

_Nah, Adam, you’re way more interesting than I am. You can draw, you love movies, the way you think about the world and the people in it is wild and cool. You have such great ideas for films too!! Like you’re going to do such cool things, Adam. I just know it. You’re so smart and mysterious and cool but I feel like I know you so well._

_Okay, not two dads. I have my shitty real Italian bio dad and then I have my roommate Hans who likes to pretend he’s my dad and jokes that he’s my dad. I just play along with the joke, it’s fun to say shit like ‘yeah, my dad just came back home after clubbing all night’._

_Warmly, Luigi_

_P.S._ [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuDDhmO8c68_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuDDhmO8c68)

 

 **FROM:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

 **TO:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

 **DATE:** April 18 at 22:03

 **SUBJECT:** RE: Breathtaking

 

_Hi Luigi,_

_It’s alright, I’m better now, I think. I don’t feel as distanced from everything, though I guess that’s because I’m not as honest. It’s a weird push and pull, I guess I’m just not ready to be that open again yet._

_Just because I can draw doesn’t mean I’m interesting, Luigi. :P You’re also pretty smart and mysterious yourself. You come off as some big goof but then you go and talk about how the adventure and quest in Breath of the Wild would be nothing without all the sidequests. You’re the one who said that the sidequests were important because you’re not running away to fix things, you’re working on yourself so you can face your biggest fears eventually. I don’t know anyone who thinks like_ that.

_See, this is why we have the clarification “Italian dad” and “twink dad” because it makes it easier to understand if I should be angry and hunting a man down, or laughing at a good joke._

_And I guess I just outed myself as fully willing to fight for you lol_

_Warmly, Adam_

_P.S._ [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8zfHhXfkfM_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8zfHhXfkfM)

 

* * *

 

It was early in the morning, or well, it was late for David but it was early for Matteo when David heard his laptop let out a familiar _ping!_ He leaned back in his chair and opened the message, wondering what it contained. Usually early any day of the week meant Matteo had just woken up, he had something goofy he wanted to share about a dream he had or he wanted to tell Adam (David) that he had been thinking about him. And that he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. Matteo told David every little thought that popped into his mind and it made David fall more and more in love with him.

After his email the day before David should’ve been expecting anything, he did say he could have sworn he had met Luigi. Which he had, it had literally been confirmed.

Now here Matteo was in his inbox admitting that he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing David. Matteo wanted to kiss _him_. He had no clue what David looked like, no clue who David was, and Matteo just admitted that he wanted to kiss him.

David wanted nothing more than to let Matteo know every little detail about himself, but he was scared honestly. David was still drowning, as much as he wanted to believe he was close to the surface. As much as he was kicking and struggling, losing all the air he had left just to reach the point where he didn’t have to try as hard to be himself.

Instead of replying right away like he normally would, David pulled himself from his bed. He situated himself at his desk and started to sketch. David couldn’t offer much as congratulations, or more like he couldn’t offer what he wanted to offer as congratulations but he did love sending Matteo art.

David could at least give Matteo what he wanted through art.

The whole day had passed, David poured so much of himself into the drawing. Then barely half an hour after David shared the picture with Matteo, he was sitting on his bed, staring at the email response he had received from Matteo. He read over his own email. ‘ _I really need to study_ ’ Lie. ‘ _Mostly to focus on school’_ Lie. ‘ _I don’t know who you are_ ’ Lie. ‘ _I have to figure out what this means to me_ ’ Half a lie. He knew what it meant, David knew that Matteo Florenzi had changed his world and spun him around, David was left disoriented and in love.

He didn’t know how to deal with his feelings, that much was apparent. He wanted to run away, disappear, he wanted to run as far as he could until he was sure that what he felt wouldn’t be able to catch up. But that would mean hurting Matteo in the end, and David never wanted to hurt Matteo. He didn’t want to make him feel any pain just because he wasn’t ready to be himself. He already knew that Matteo wouldn’t care, he had been so lovely and understanding already. But David still needed the space.

It felt wrong, he wasn’t supposed to hurt him. He had been so open and bare and honest with him. David had essentially cut him off entirely. It would be okay, he told himself, he kept repeating that in his head. It would be okay, they would be okay, he had been upfront, he didn’t just disappear like he wanted too, he hadn’t just run away. David didn’t completely become a ghost.

There was no way David could tell how much time had passed since he sent the email to Matteo. He had turned off his phone and laptop, all the lights were off as well. He just laid in the darkness of his room, letting the silence swallow him whole, allowing the water to pull him down deeper. His body felt heavy, he could barely roll over, he couldn’t pull himself from his bed so he could take his binder off, even though he knew the damage it did to his body. David couldn’t be bothered to care right now.

“David?” Laura’s familiar voice rung out through his room. She stepped inside, allowing a beam of light to stream in from where she stood. He groaned and pulled his blanket over his head.

“Go away.”

“Eat something and take off your binder, then I’ll leave.” He heard a soft _click_ , nothing light trying to sneak its way under the covers. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, pulling his sheets closer. David felt the bed dip, there was the distant sound of a plate being set on his bedside table, and Laura’s hand on his blanketed figure. He just wanted to be alone, what didn’t Laura get about that?

“Leave me alone.”

“Take off the binder.”

“No.”

“David, I would rather kill you myself than see you do this to yourself any more than you already are.”

There was quiet for a long time. David didn’t know what to do. He hated how well Laura knew him, he hated that he had told her about the whole Luigi/Matteo thing, he was so frustrated and angry and wished he could just have it easy for _once_. For once he’d like everything to work out simply. David finally started to wiggle around under the sheets until he managed to get his binder off, it was a difficult task, not one he would suggest doing any time either but he didn’t want Laura having all the satisfaction of winning.

“It’s off, will you leave me alone now,” David said, though it was a question, his tone was more of a ‘leave me alone right away’ one.

“Tell me what’s wrong now, then I’ll go.”

“That wasn’t the deal!”

“ _David_ ,” Laura’s tone was warning. Like she had plans and ways of making David talk. She didn’t really, not in this case at least, but it still struck a small fear into David. It was the older sibling-younger sibling dynamic of it all. There was another silence, this one felt like it was dragging though. “Is it Matteo?”

“Fine, fine, fine,” David caved, peeking out from under the covers. “I should have never told you about it. He’s just a dumb boy.”

“Yeah, and? You’re just a dumb boy too. What’s going on? Did he do something to hurt you?” Laura pressed, she was shaking David gently now, as if that was a feasible way to get someone out of their shell.

David shook his head and pushed himself so that he was sitting upright. He kept the blanket wrapped around him despite the fact that he was burning up. From embarrassment, from the warmth in his room, from anger with himself. “I hurt _him_ ,” he spoke softly. “Or at least I feel like I did because I can’t seem to let myself have anything nice.”

“You do have a problem letting yourself be happy,” Laura noted, drumming her hands against the top of the comforter. There was a gentle thrum that came from her hands, a beat that matched the sound of rain hitting his window.

“Thanks for the input, Laura,” David kicked her hands away.

“What do you want me to say? You just said you messed it up, you didn’t explain what you did, I can only say so much.”

“I don’t know, be an older sister? Tell me it’ll be okay, that he’s a dumb boy but since I like him it doesn’t matter, that things will work out anyway.”

“I can’t promise that though.”

“You can still tell me.”

“You need to be honest with yourself, David. What do you really want? What does Matteo really mean to you? Is this just something to do before you go to university or do you actually… Want to be with him?”

David sighed. He knew the answer. He knew the answer to that question and any questions that would follow it.

 

* * *

 

After almost an hour of working out without any real break, David slumped onto the ground, staring up at the sky. Usually he could go for so much longer, why did he suddenly feel like he was going to collapse? He knew why, he just didn’t want to admit it. He watched as the clouds rolled by, Leonie and Sara popped into his range of vision. They looked worn already as well, their cheeks red and foreheads sweaty. They looked concerned though, almost like they were pitying him. A look David did not appreciate. He pushed himself off the ground, slowly managing to stand up again.

“What’s up?” David asked, trying his best not to sound too standoffish.

“Are you okay?” Sara bounced from foot to foot, like she didn’t want to push the conversation anymore than they already had by stopping entirely. Sara and Leonie meant well, David knew that much, but sometimes it felt very half-hearted and in-genuine.

“Honestly? Not really,” David shrugged, kicking at the ground. He was avoiding their gaze for now, he didn’t want to be honest with them about anything because he was scared. He knew if he let one thing out, the rest of it would come along with it.

“How about we get cocoa?” Leonie offered up, grabbing for Sara’s hand. The gesture seemed to ground Sara in the moment, she went from bouncing and nervous to still, patient, waiting for what David wanted to do. Somehow, no matter what was going on, Leonie seemed to know what was the best to do in the moment. She was strong, protective, every move she made was calculated and made with confidence.

David envied that.

“Cocoa sounds good.”

The three walked together in silence, David felt like a third wheel with Leonie and Sara sometimes. Partially because he quite literally was most days, but he also didn’t feel like he belonged in their conversations sometimes. It was like he was being allowed to experience something he shouldn’t, though that was never the case. They didn’t know him _before_ , which means he wasn’t part of ‘girl talk’. It was just talk. Friends asking friends for help, for genuine advice, friends telling jokes, talking about life and what was to come next, all of the general coming of age stuff. Maybe he could let his guard down and allow himself to talk too.

As they sat down, cups in hand, David watched as Leonie stretched her legs out and let them rest on Sara’s lap. They looked so happy. He had to admit they were very sweet together. It also made him so confused as to how Matteo and Sara ever dated, this was the most comfortable and natural David had ever seen Sara.

“How did you ever date Matteo?” David asked finally.

“Oh, god, deep internalized homophobia? Denial?” Sara laughed.

“Also she claims if you squint hard enough he looks like a lesbian,” Leonie grinned, nudging Sara’s knee with her foot.

“Look, I was deeply in denial. And it was really only when he wore that one shirt at that party, you know the one?”

David smiled brightly at them, he laughed as they continued to be cute and joke with each other. Maybe he wasn’t so much of an outsider, even though he was new to all of this. New to a friendship where he wasn’t expected to be something he wasn’t. Leonie and Sara were the only people that David found himself being fully honest with aside from Laura. “Do you know if Matteo uh…” But David couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t know how too. The question was clear as day in his mind, is Matteo a shitty guy? Would Matteo care? Would Matteo hurt him?

“I don’t think so,” Sara said, her voice was gentle now. The tone of the conversation had shifted. “He’s stupid but he’s willing to learn I think. I mean, he’s the first person I told I’m a lesbian.”

“Really?” David asked, surprised. “You told him first?”

“Yeah, we were kissing and neither of us were into it and he broke down basically, said he couldn’t keep doing it.” Sara shifted, resting her free hand on Leonie’s knee gently. David watched as her fingers traced lazy circles on top of her leggings. “We just talked for a while after that. He didn’t tell me much else on his end, I started crying and babbled about how I thought I was in love with Leonie. Which… Y’know. He hugged me for a while, told me to tell him if I ever needed to talk about anything. That was a _while_ ago though, I don’t really what his deal is anymore.”

David just nodded slowly.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m not sure, I just think he’s… I like him, I guess. I think he’s really interesting and funny and he’s kind of dumb but it’s always endearing,” David was mumbling, avoiding eye contact with both Leonie and Sara. He didn’t need to see what was on their faces to know that they thought he was crazy. Matteo Florenzi was a dumb, stoner boy that didn’t do much of anything. But they didn’t know what David knew about him, though there was no way he was going to go into detail about any of it.

“Shoot your shot,” Leonie said, her voice full of confidence that David wished he had. He could only imagine being that brave some day.

“What do you mean?”

“Matteo may be an idiot, but he doesn’t have a cruel bone in his body. If you like him, go for it. The worst answer you can get is a ‘no’ after all.”

 

* * *

 

 **FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

 **TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

 **DATE:** April 24 at 14:57

 **SUBJECT:** Sorry

 

_Hi Adam,_

_I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re doing well. I know you said you would reply at some point, but you don’t have to reply to these. I just want you to know that I’m thinking about you, I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re happy and that you’re not hurting._

_I want you to know that I was at the store today and You Can’t Hurry Love came on, it made me think of you. I don’t want to hurry anything but I do want you to know that I feel that…_

_The L word. For you._

_Love, Luigi._

 

 **FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

 **TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

 **DATE:** April 26 at 0:56

 **SUBJECT:** Sorry

 

_Hi Adam,_

_I know you asked for space but I’m… I don’t know. I’m really fucked up right now, I can barely type so uh godbless autocorrect I guess._

_I’m sad. I miss you. I’m sorry if I did or said anything to push you away, Adam. I didn’t mean too, if you want to talk about whatever I did please just let me know. I don’t want to lose you too. I really miss you, I miss us, whatever_ us _is. I miss it._

_Love, MLuigi_

_Almost wrote the wrong name lol :)_

[ **Image Attached:** There is a blurry photo of a cityscape at night, lights bubbling up to create bursts of color. It looks like the view from Matteo’s balcony looking out on Berlin at night.]

 

* * *

 

It was early enough that David could bail. He didn’t want to go to a party, the last time he had gone to a party he ran into Matteo and the only thing he could think about the whole time was kissing him. And then he got that email from Luigi that said he had spoken to a boy whose voice sounded like honey. And then David figured out that Matteo was Luigi and so that meant he was the boy whose voice sounded like _honey_. He was the boy that Matteo spoke fondly of, he was the one that Matteo couldn’t get out of his head, just as much as Matteo couldn’t get ‘Adam’ out of his head.

 

 **David**  
_I’m not going._

 **Leonie** _  
_ _Why not?_

 

 **David** _  
_ _I don’t want to see Matteo._

 

 **Leonie** _  
_ _Well, we’re already outside your apartment so :///_

 

David sank into his bed, groaning loudly. He didn’t move. He wasn’t going to move unless they made him move. The world around him was quiet, maybe Sara and Leonie just left and went to the party without him. David would be so glad if that were the case, he didn’t want to be a third wheel again, he would just bring the mood down.

There was noise outside his door, hushed whispers, before he could do anything, there were two bright, bubbly girls in his room playing… Ariana Grande maybe? Sara fell down on the bed on one side of him, Leonie on the other. They both hugged him tightly and he squirmed uncomfortably at the touch. They were already drunk, he could smell the alcohol.

“Guys, I really don’t want to go…” He muttered.

“You just need to drink a little, then when we get there you can talk to Matteo and make all your gay dreams come true,” Sara said, poking his nose. David scrunched up his face. He wasn’t much of a drinker, he wasn’t much of a smoker, he did a little bit of both in small doses. He definitely wasn’t a drinker of whatever Leonie and Sara had brought, it smelled like rubbing alcohol.

“If you wanted to get me drunk, you could have brought better stuff.”

“We were in a time crunch. We did our best.” Sara pouted at him, he couldn’t do anything but cave at this point. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

 

* * *

 

Once they had arrived at the party, it was okay. David didn’t make any moves to seek out Matteo immediately, instead he decided to stick with his gameplan from last time which was to hide in the kitchen until someone approached him, or until he figured he could leave. Sara and Leonie were quick to disappear from his side, going into the living room to dance with the rest of the drunk, chaotic teens at the party. David found himself a beer and nursed it while he sat in the corner. He had already drank with Leonie and Sara, but he still felt so sober, he felt too rooted in reality. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He was avoiding every impulse to seek out Matteo and talk, he didn’t want to get himself hurt, or worse, he didn’t want to accidentally out himself as Adam.

Not even twenty minutes there and he retreated in the bathroom. It smelled of weed but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that. He gripped the sides of sink tightly and stared at himself in the mirror. David was never a fan of this, he hated looking at himself for too long, it made him notice everything he didn’t like about himself. He tried to push those thoughts aside, only to have them be replaced with thoughts of Matteo.

“Hey, Matteo…” He smiled at his reflection awkwardly. “It’s me, Adam. I’m Adam. And you’re Luigi, this is _so crazy_ , right? How did I figure out? Why haven’t I spoken to you in a week? Oh, just because I’m trans and deeply insecure and didn’t want to risk you hating me because I’m trans, y’know, just normal boy things.” David sighed and let his head fall. “God, I’m such a dumbass…” He didn’t know how long he stood there, not looking at the mirror. He looked up after an indeterminate amount of time and looked at his reflection. He was real, he was here, he was David. He was no one else but himself, no matter how much work he had to put into being David.

He wasn’t sure what would be worse, outing himself as Adam after a week of complete and utter silence from the both of them except for the one from Luigi from the middle of the night. It had filled him with guilt. He had been trying to push it out of his mind all day but because he was now trapped in the apartment of the boy he had hurt, it kept bubbling back up in his mind. David leaned back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, watching multicolored lights dance across his vision. He was too sober to be here. He practically chugged the rest of his first drink without pause before he placed the can in the recycling, unlike anyone else had been doing, and grabbed another drink for himself.

David found himself back in his seat and before long he was halfway through his second, starting to feel a little fuzzy. He was a lightweight, and that was fine by him, he did enjoy the feeling for now though. It had pushed the guilt back. David let the music wash over him, he bopped his head to the beat, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible.

“Hey, David, right?” A voice said, snapping David out of his trance.

“Uh, yeah?” David looked over to the person, it was Turtleneck Boy. He didn’t know his name, he felt terrible. But did he even have a name? All David could remember anyone referring to him as was _Turtleneck Boy_.

“How’re you enjoying the party?” Turtleneck Boy smiled brightly at him. His cheeks were red and eyes were glassy, David couldn’t believe he could tell despite the flashing colors in the apartment. He definitely wasn’t sober. Neither was David though, so many the forced interaction could be… Nice.

“It’s fine, haven’t done much except sit here.”

“Do you want to dance?”

David opened his mouth to answer when he spotted Matteo across the kitchen. He was going to say yes, he didn’t mind, it would be fun. But then Matteo walked into the kitchen, then there was only one thing on his mind. “I’m not much of a dancer…”

“Ah, gotcha. That’s fair. I’m not either, at least not like this, I used to train in dance when I was younger though,” Turtleneck Boy’s voice trailed off in David’s head. He stopped hearing his words, he nodded, he smiled. He felt a little bad that he was very obviously blowing Turtleneck Boy off, but it didn’t seem like he had noticed.

As Matteo stood across the room, David just watched him. He interacted with everyone so differently. He moved through the world so carefully. David moved through forcefully, he constantly felt like he was battling against a tide that was too strong for him to beat. He was swimming against the current and it was only a matter of time before he was too worn out to keep fighting. Matteo on the other hand, moved through the world like he was going to break everything he ran into, like he believed he _was_ the water that far too often succeeded at destroying the peace.

Turtleneck Boy held his phone out in front of David, showing him a photo. David nodded again, smiling brightly. He wasn’t much of an actor at all but the alcohol really did help loosen his nerves. He had never been this successful in making someone think he was interested in a conversation that he wasn’t actually into.

When he looked up from the phone, he locked eyes with Matteo, unintentionally. David wanted to smile at Matteo so badly, but there was a look of longing and regret. He was drowning and he had no one and nothing to save him. David slid off the stool carefully, giving Turtleneck Boy a pat on the shoulder when saw Matteo go back towards the living room. Something about it felt off. There was a sudden tension in the air that wasn’t there before, David almost swore he was the only one to notice the shift as well. The kitchen had grown more crowded since David first sat down in it, he tried to push past the sea of partiers with ease but it was difficult. By the time he had managed to push past, a blur had rushed by him and slammed the door loudly.

The music was still going but no one was dancing, no one was moving, they were all just staring at the door where someone had stormed out. David took a deep breath, looking around to see if anyone was going to do anything but instead of following after whoever had left, they all shifted back into “party mode” with relative ease. David sunk back against the wall near the door, the feeling in his gut telling him it was Matteo who had left. He didn’t know what to do, he felt like he should go follow after him, but wouldn’t that be weird? They only had a handful of strange conversations, they didn’t (weren’t supposed) to know each other outside of the emails.

It didn’t take long to find Matteo.

David had left, walked outside, and found the boy sitting on the curb with tears in his eyes, heavy breaths wracking his body. David wanted to save him, but he knew it was unrealistic to save someone from themselves. But he could be a comfort. He wanted too. His own bullshit aside, Matteo was important. Matteo meant the world to him. He fumbled with his phone, pulling up the “Luigi <3” playlist he had made, clicking on the top song, pressing repeat on it.

“Do you need anything?”

 

* * *

 

They left the base dazed and exhausted, David was holding Matteo’s hand like it was a life line. They were together, that’s what mattered. David hummed the tune of the song, Matteo softly sang the lyrics, his voice flowing smoothly. Every so often, they’d be stopped waiting to cross the street and Matteo would drop down to a whisper, pull David close, just to speak the lyrics into David’s ear. He would hug David close, he would kiss across his cheeks, it was as though Matteo was allowing himself to be lost in David. Matteo had described David’s voice as honey, but Matteo’s singing felt like sitting out in the sun when you felt bad. It filled his heart with warmth, he felt a little out of breath even. It was as though Matteo’s voice was shielding him from all the bad the world had to offer to boys like them, though that might’ve just been the sleep deprivation.

Arriving back at Matteo’s home at 6:02 had David feeling so many ways. He had the lyrics to I Know a Place ingrained in his memory now, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Matteo. He leaned against Matteo’s back, arms around his waist while he unlocked the door. Matteo twisted in his arms and David leaned up, brushing their noses together.

“We can go inside,” Matteo whispered.

David peaked past his shoulder and saw the mess that was laid out in the entryway and he laughed, “I’m not cleaning that up this time, Matteo.”

“It wasn’t my party.”

“Good.” It felt terrible to pull away from Matteo, even though he knew it was only for a few seconds. David had already grown fond of how soft his shitty grandpa sweater was and how he smelled a little bit like weed and a little bit like shitty teen boy body spray. David led this dumb boy down his hallway, into his room, and David couldn’t help but stop short when he saw it. He had never been in another boys room. He looked around, he wanted to take in every detail of Matteo’s life. Before he could look around at much he heard the door shut behind him, Matteo practically collapsed into his back causing him to stumble forward and fall onto the bed with Matteo on top of him.

There was a rush of pain to his chest, he hissed and pushed Matteo off of him. God, how long had his binder been on? He couldn’t take it off now, Matteo would notice. And he didn’t feel comfortable enough to take it off either. “Maybe don’t do that,” he muttered, sitting up carefully. He stretched his arms back, he could feel Matteo’s gaze on him and he sighed. “I’m sorry, I just… Have weird chest pain sometimes.”

“Do you need anything?” Matteo’s voice was small, almost scared, like it had been when David found him sitting on the curb.

“No, no,” David lied. He wanted to tell Matteo so badly but there was a better time. It wasn’t like he had missed his window, but he wasn’t emotionally prepared to have the ‘I’m transgender’ conversation at six in the morning with the boy he was sure he was in love with. “But uh… Do you have any pain killer?” David finally looked over at Matteo, whose eyes were full of uncertainty. There was quiet between them again, not silence. But quiet.

“I don’t but I have weed,” Matteo offered.

“Are we really going to smoke this early in the day?” David feared his tone came off as judgemental, but he swears it’s just more confused and worried about the both of them. Mostly worried about Matteo.

“I don’t know about you but I haven’t slept in at least two days…”

David felt his heart sink briefly, he just wanted to protect Matteo. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to save him from though. He waited patiently as Matteo rolled the joint, he wasn’t going to push at anything. It wasn’t exactly his place, not yet at least. He prayed he would be able to break past the surface as David someday.

At some point they had shifted so they were both laying down in Matteo’s bed. It wasn’t before long that David had his arms wrapped around Matteo, holding the boy close to him. Nothing else mattered right now, they could figure it all out later. David just wanted to keep this seperate, it was different than anything that was about to come.

 

* * *

 

It was late Tuesday night, David had been up for hours studying nonstop. He ignored texts from Sara and Leonie talking about the physical education abi, he had been ignoring Laura’s requests that he eat, sleep, or at least drink water, he had been ignoring emails from Matteo. There were questions left unanswered, stories they had never finished, details about each other that would have given too much information. Not that it mattered anymore.

Now they were being honest, David had sent the first in a long string of coming out emails. He was telling Matteo, whether or not the boy got the hint was a different issue.

Despite him noticing, Laura attempted to sneak into his room with a plate of food and some water. She got about five feet before David spun around in his desk chair to look at her, frown ever present on his lips. “What do you want?” He asked, his voice coming out more fragile and afraid that he wanted it to be.

“I’m worried about you,” Laura said, asserting her role as the older sister firmly. David just rolled his eyes, following her as she sat down on his bed.

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Yes, I do.” There was a frown on Laura’s face. He could already tell he was going to get an older sister lecture and he wasn’t looking forward to it. David settled into his chair, pulling his legs up so he could hug his knees to his chest. “You’re always so afraid of everything. If I knew any better, I’d think you were about to run away.”

“Way to be blunt.” David frowned, he didn’t like when Laura got real with him. Though she was really the only person that was allowed too.

“I’m just being honest, David,” Laura sighed, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. Her brows furrowed together causing David to pull his lips into a deeper frown, somehow. When Laura got like this, she was serious. “You’ve talked about this boy so much, this… Matteo? That’s really his name right, like the real one? Not the internet pseudonym, right?”

“Yeah, he’s just some boy though, it’s nothing,” David grumbled, deciding to pull his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the screen, there was still an unopened email from Matteo. He swiped his screen and there was a drafted text to Matteo. He sighed and set his phone on his desk. There was no escape.

“What’s holding you back from being open with him?”

“Are you serious?”

“Look, I know I’m cis, and I’m never going to understand fully but… David, the way you talk about this Matteo, you really need to just…” Laura paused, wringing her fingers. She wasn’t looking at David, though her face was focused, calculating. She was really trying to figure out what to say next. Laura never liked to step on David’s toes, he knew that. She never liked to push the limits of what was acceptable for her to say and she never enjoyed potentially making David uncomfortable. “Being trans is your thing, David.”

David just nodded, unsure of where she was going with this. He could feel his heart start to pick up pace.

“There are parts of it you have to go through alone. And I hate that, I just want to be there for you and protect you. As soon as you came out to our parents you said, “I’m still me.” And they knew it. I knew it too. You _are_ still you, and you’re still going to be you when you tell Matteo. You’re still the same David who I love to tease, and who I depend on for everything. And you’re the guy who puts up with so much nonsense from your classmates, even when they’re being really stupid.” Laura took a deep breath and let it out slowly, she looked up at David finally. David could barely hold her eye contact, he felt himself tearing up. His throat was tight. He didn’t really know what to say or do.

He took a shaky breath and stood up from his chair, moving the few feet to sit down next to Laura. She wrapped an arm around him, David allowed himself to lean into her touch.

“You have to let yourself breathe, David. You can’t just keep… Holding it all in. Exhale, let it out, let yourself be more you than you have been in… In a very long time. You deserve everything you want.” Laura’s voice was just a soft whisper, she kissed the top of David’s head gently, rubbing his arm slowly.

There was a long silence between the two of them, David had no clue what to say. He had been through so much in the past year, he was just trying to get by and now Laura was telling him that he deserved to thrive? That he deserved to be able to _breathe_?

“When did you get to be so smart?” David grumbled, unsure of what to say.

“When did you get to be so dumb?” Laura shot back, a tone of amusement in her voice.

“When I met Matteo.” David watched as Laura took his hand in her own and tangled their fingers together. “I’m telling him, by the way. I’m just… Scared. I don’t want him to… I really care about him, Laura.”

“You’re really just young and dumb and in love, huh?”

“Maybe.”

“Keep it.”

 

* * *

 

Matteo had figured it out.

David wasn’t sure if he liked that or if it made everything a thousand times worse. They sat in his apartment with the rest of the class, Kiki droned on about… Something. David wasn’t really able to pay attention. His mind was just occupied with one thing, Matteo. There were too many emotions inside of him too, he wanted to talk to the boy, he wanted to kiss him until neither or them could breathe, he wanted to run away from everything (with and without Matteo). It was such a weird emotional state, he felt like he was floating and drowning, like he was about to lose any breath he had left while he was gasping for air above the water line.

Thankfully David didn’t have much of a role in the meeting other than presenting his designs for the posters. He didn’t even have to move for that. He didn’t care if the others did or didn’t like them. He was curious if Matteo liked them, but he could feel the boys blue eyes on him the whole meeting, he didn’t dare make eye contact.

When Kiki finally decided to dismiss the meeting, David immediately disappeared into the bathroom. He needed some air that was just his own, he needed to be alone. He gripped the sides of the sink, much like he had just a week ago here, but instead this time he wasn’t trying to give himself a pep talk. It was too quiet outside for him to feel comfortable doing that.

Instead, he pulled out his phone and texted Laura.

 

 **David**  
_I’m hiding in the bathroom at his apartment :(_

 

 **Laura** _  
_ _do you plan on hiding in there forever????_

 

 **David** **  
** _No i’m just nervous ://_

 

 **Laura** _  
_ _you’re going to be fiiinne_

 

 **David** _  
_ _How can you be so sure….._

 

 **Laura** _  
_ _cause i’m smart and you’re dumb_

 

 **David** _  
_ _Ah thank you so wise so helpful :/_

 

 **Laura**  
_david you have two options:_  
_1\. talk to him yourself  
_2\. i come over and tell him you’re in love with him :)

 

 **David** _  
_ _You wouldn’t :(_

 

 **Laura** _  
_ _i wouldn’t?_

 

 **David**  
_…….okay you would_ _  
_ i’m going to do it, i’m just, nervous

 

 **Laura** **  
** _don’t worry !! it’ll all work out !!! <3 _

 

David let his head rest back against the bathroom door briefly, he heard commotion outside but he didn’t want to overthink what was going on. Matteo’s group had always been a little chaotic, to put it simply. They were wild, they didn’t care what outsiders thought of them, they were just living as they were.

He admired that.

The noise outside had died down, David decided it was safe to peak his head out to see what had been going on. But there was no one there, there was just Matteo leaning against his couch, on his phone. He had never looked so perfect in David’s eyes. The sunlight spilling in past his living room window lit him from the back, giving him a soft glow. Matteo noticed him, his blue eyes practically glittered like the ocean under the hot sun and his smile was so gentle and kind.

“Hey,” Matteo’s voice was so gentle and kind, his words could make David float.

“Hey,” David tried to smile just as brightly and confidently as Matteo had, but he couldn’t muster the same feeling. He was just scared. More words were exchanged, but David couldn’t be sure what he said or what Matteo had said. And although they already decent privacy, Matteo took David’s hand and led him into the bedroom. He watched as Matteo wandered through his room, looking like he was waiting for David’s action. It was on David to really commit to this.

He took a deep breath, rifling through his pockets before pulling out a postcard size piece of paper. He made sure to unfold it carefully, despite how crumpled it was. David hesitated as he looked at the all too familiar drawing.

There are marker smudges and vague mistakes, lines where they shouldn’t be. A cartoon drawing of David as a vampire, sitting down across from a cartoon drawing of Matteo. There’s a plate stacked high with grilled cheese between them. He passes it gently over to Matteo, who takes it cautiously, like he’s being handed a piece of high art.

There is a speech bubble coming from Cartoon David that reads ‘ _I’m transgender, Luigi._ ’

David had drawn it on the bus home from school the day he found out Matteo was the boy he was in love with.

 

* * *

 

The last couple of weeks had David on edge at every possible twist and turn, he was so nervous and scared for everything that was to come but it was just a few days after David and Matteo had spoken about… Everything. They had kissed, they filled in the gaps from the emails, questions that had never gotten answers were finally complete, stories that were never told were finally spoken.

It wasn’t as though David had never thought about going on a date with anyone, but he had never thought he would have the chance to go on a date with Matteo. He stood outside Matteo’s apartment building, dressed up because Laura insisted he should dress up for a first date. He didn’t buy flowers, though as he waited he started to wonder if he should have. Maybe he had time to find a corner shop with some shitty bouquets.

Before David can act on this impulse though, Matteo is outside and he looks equally somewhat dressed up. He’s wearing a nice, flowy, floral button up shirt that fell off his shoulders in such a beautiful way. It showed off his collarbones, David could feel his cheeks burn brightly. He also noticed that Matteo was wearing pants that actually fit him, he didn’t even know he owned those. He had on a simple brown jacket over it all, almost like he was trying to dress down the fact that he had dressed up.

“It was Hans’ idea,” he sputtered out before David can say anything.

David just laughs, it’s a fond laugh though. He looks around briefly, there aren’t many people around, but it’s early in the afternoon. “Can I kiss you here?” He asked.

If David had thought he had been easily flustered by Matteo, he hadn’t really been paying attention to how Matteo reacted whenever he did anything. He watched as Matteo’s cheeks turned an extremely bright shade of pink. David laughed again and cupped Matteo’s face in his hands gently, feeling the warmth on his fingertips.

He pressed a soft, light kiss against his lips before pulling back carefully. Matteo chased his mouth though, kissing David right back like he _needed_ him. He wrapped an arm around Matteo’s waist, pulling him closer, letting the other boy fall over him. Nothing in David’s memory could compare to this feeling right now, feeling wanted and loved and needed. He knew he could sink into the kiss further with ease right there, but as much as he craved Matteo’s gentle touch, he had plans for their date instead of just kissing on the sidewalk outside of his building.

“Okay, okay,” David gasped when he finally pulled back, setting his hands on Matteo’s shoulders to keep him at a distance. “I have a whole dumb date planned and if we get bored at any point then we can come back here and watch a movie or play video games and just…” David trailed off, catching Matteo’s bright blue gaze.

“You know no one’s ever made me feel like as much of a dumb, dopey teenage boy that I am like you do?” Matteo whispered before he stole another kiss from David.

“Mr. Florenzi,” David grinned, “I will have you know that we are the perfect pair to be dumb, dopey teenage boys.”

 

* * *

 

Never in his life had David done something so absolutely ridiculous and cheesy, but something felt really… Poetic about it. David didn’t care that this was dumb, he was in love and he was so, so happy. It only felt right to write out a response to Matteo’s initial post from so long ago.

 

_Not too long ago, a boy with a really stupid sign off posted about how he wanted to tell people the truth about himself, but was scared too. He talked about how he was drowning and how he was actually all on his own. And it reminded me of the entanglement theory…_

_“When you separate an entwined particle and you move both parts from the other, even at opposite ends of the universe, if you alter or affect one, the other will be identically altered or affected.”_

_I didn’t believe in fate, I didn’t believe in soulmates, I never believed in the idea that there would be someone that made me feel like they were_ home.

_I’m no longer drowning, I’m floating and I can breathe again. And I don’t feel desperate, I don’t feel like I’m gasping for air. I don’t know what’s going to come next but I do know one thing: I wouldn’t want to do any of this without you, Luigi :)_

_Love, David_

 

It felt off and kind of out of character, but he wanted to be cheesy, he wanted to be ridiculous. The future was wide and open and scary, but that was fine. He had Matteo, he had him, and they were going to be together for a long, long time. Something just felt right. He clicked the “submit” button and was rerouted to a box that read “pending admin approval”.

 

* * *

 

It had been an absolutely crazy day.

There was the abi prank, where David showed up late and Matteo had practically tackled him in the biggest, warmest hug he had ever experienced. Matteo gave him the dumbest boy kiss where it was barely a kiss because of how much both boys were smiling. And then shot him with a glitter gun. Sam had a confetti gun, almost all the boys had glitter guns, Matteo was dressed as a _pirate_ , Jonas sung his abi song, David’s art plastered the lobby of the school. If anything could feel movie ending perfect, David was glad it was those final moments where he was able to be the happiest and most open he had been in such a long time.

David felt like he had finally resurfaced.

Then there was the party, which was the strangest, most loving event he had ever attended. He got to dance in public with his friends, he got to dance out in the open freely, hell, he got to dance openly and happily with his boyfriend. When Matteo approached him for a dance, it was during a particularly exciting, upbeat song, which he had not been expecting.

Matteo sand the song sweetly in David’s ear as they danced together, more or less bounced and held each other, on the dance floor. “All I ever wanted was to find you, find a love I never knew…” He whispered, causing David’s chest to tighten.

“This is really gay,” David managed to whisper back.

“I thought you didn’t dance.”

“I told you ‘maybe another time’.”

There was a brief pause before Matteo just repeated back what David had said in a mocking tone, also copying his little head tilt. David rolled his eyes and flicked Matteo off before he was whisked away by Hans to dance.

Everything had been winding down, David was standing outside on the balcony, staring out over the city. He let his eyes close and he breathed in slowly, deeply, letting the air push its way through every bit of his body. David wasn’t drowning anymore, he could feel the air flow through his veins, it was like he would float forever. He knew that it wasn’t going to be rosy all the time, there would be extremely difficult days, there would be days where he still felt like he needed to run away, days where Matteo still felt like he was drowning, but they had each other now.

His eyes opened again and he slumped over the railing, listening to the music pour outside through the cracks in the doors and windows. Distantly the playlist went through songs like Old Town Road and Diana Ross for fifteen straight minutes. No one was dancing anymore, they were all mostly mingling. David had needed air.

The music had faded into a slower song, the lyrics washed over David’s body, like the one last push of relief that he needed for some reason. He swayed by himself for a moment before he felt a mass collapse against his back, snaking noodly, jacket covered arms around his waist.

“Hello, love,” David hummed happily, allowing himself to lean back into Matteo’s touch briefly.

“Hi,” Matteo said, though his voice was muffled because he had hidden his face in David’s jacket. The boys arms tightened around David’s waist, Matteo adjusting where his arms sat so they weren’t too close too his ribs. David insisted it didn’t matter but Matteo was cautious nonetheless.

Again, Matteo sang the lyrics of the song in his ear, this time it was much softer, much more tender. The only way David could describe Matteo’s voice was by feeling, and it changed from song to song. David couldn’t pin the feeling of this song though. Inevitably, their lips got so close that it was almost criminal that David didn’t close the gap sooner. Everytime they kissed it was a different kind of tender, David didn’t even think it was possible for there to be a different feeling each time, all so positive.

Somehow, every kiss between David and Matteo felt like a good movie kiss.

“Did you see that post on the gossip blog?” David asked softly, pulling back from the kiss. He rested both of his hands on Matteo’s cheeks, letting his thumb rub small circles against Matteo’s rosy skin.

“The sappy love post or the billions that came after the sappy love post where everyone was honest about their real feelings?” Matteo teased, leaning in carefully and nudging David’s nose with his own.

“The sappy love post,” David grinned.

“Yeah, I saw it,” Matteo said, reaching his hands up and interlocking fingers with David. He squeezed his hands, bringing them away from his cheeks. “I think I understood him, not really being able to trust the idea of fate… Or of soulmates… It’s all a lot.” Matteo looked away from David, pretending to be lost in thought while he paused for dramatic emphasis, something David had learned quickly he did a lot.

“And?”

“And I definitely understand the home thing.”

“Interesting,” David spun Matteo around gently as the music continued to play through the crack in the door. “Well, Matteo,” briefly his breath caught in his throat but he just took the moment to lean in and kiss Matteo lightly. “You _are_ home.” He couldn’t help but grin again when he saw how much darker pink Matteo’s skin got.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Matteo asked, his voice flustered, he was overwhelmed but smiling brighter than the sun. David decided that Matteo’s lopsided, toothy smile was the most beautiful smile in the world.

“Where would we go?”

David almost fell over as Matteo tugged on his arms a little too hard, quickly leading him back inside, then out of the party.

Matteo laughed as he pulled David out of the party, into the night. “Oh, I know a place we can go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I have a couple big thank you's to make !!
> 
> 1\. First off, thank you again SO MUCH to Lily for letting me yell at her all my ideas for this AU, without her so much of this wouldn't have even gotten written. Also thank you to Elena for letting me bounce concepts off of her while I worked on this instead of my senior thesis over the last month and a half or so. AND, thanks to Connor for helping me figure out that very last scene because it was, plaguing me for this whole last week...
> 
> 2\. Thank you to the Druck Gays Only Discord server, without y'all I... I don't know, i would just be a lot sadder of a person. You all mean the world to me and have supported me through graduating and also through writing this whole fic !!! Thank you all for encouraging me to keep writing this even though I haven't written prose like this in so, so long.
> 
> 3\. Thank you to everyone who has read the AU, to everyone who's recommended it to friends or people they know are looking for fics. I hope I did Matteo and David justice, I really did my best to write them how I saw them. They mean the world to me and I relate to both of them so deeply that I can only hope I did them right.
> 
> That's all on the thank you's !! Please, please leave a comment and let me know what you think of this last bit!! I wanted to change it up for the last part because it felt wrong going through all of this and then ending without a David POV. 
> 
> Druck means the world to me and I've been so grateful for this goofy German TV show. 
> 
> Leave kudos please, and if you want to talk to me about the AU, message me on tumblr @filmictrans


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